Ash Wednesday

Can I just say how stupid you all look walking about wae ashes on your heed.












Just looks like some cunts stabbed a fag oot on yer heed. Idiots, nout against the idea, but yeez are just idiots.

A Short Poem

I wrote a poem today,

There once was a man named Eenis,
And he didn't have a penis.
So he got on his bike
And he took a hike,
On a quest to find his cock.

A mountain he climbed,
But only to find,
The magical penis he sought.

So he had a wank,
And he came in his face.
Oh, what a big disgrace.

The towns people laughed,
And the man went mad!
No more could he take,
The poor old lad.

So he took his own life.
Sat his bum on a knife.
And ruined his cashmere rug!
...WHAT-A-WASTE!

The End.

Toilet

I didn't like the toilets in the saltire centre at first, coz they have no urinals, I always think I've walked into the lassies toilets. But today I discovered this bad boy.













It's the sign language alphabet on the toilet door.
Makes me actually think about conquering ma fear of public toilets just so I can learn sign language. Very smart I thought.

Dodged a Bullet

That could have been me!

Left with One Last Minute

Sitting on the train using ma phone to get facts for my report that's due today.
Ye can tell I'm fucking nailling uni. I'm aiming for the honour roll babaaaay!
Top of line student me, can't you see!

G.I Joe: The Movie

Well folks, I've just discovered that I'm hitting the big time and having my own movie made. Don't worry, I'm no gonni forget about you lot. I won't let fame get to ma heed.
Here's a wee sneak peak.

Saying that but, I don't remember any of this ever actually happening in my life, must be aw the bevvy, av blanked it oot.

Another Thing

Another thing I've just realised aboot that condom advert (see older posts) is that she's whisperin' aw the way through it. How's that gonni work, nae cunt can hear the message yer trying tae get across. Next time fuckin ball it at us. If I was making it ad pure scream it, scare the message intae folk.

Seconds, Minutes and Hours

At 5 in the morning oot ma bin, I came to realise why the minute hand on ma clock is thinner than the hour one. Clearly it gets more exercise having to move every minute where as the hour ones just a lazy bastard who sits aboot dain fuck all half the time. Then you've got the second hand thats a wee health freak or buzzin' on the cane and doesny stoap jumping aboot!

Ken Whit Really Grinds Ma Gears?!

When folk go, "awwww man, I was soooo fucked last night. I need tae stoap drinking!"
Naw, naw ye fucking don't. Whit ye need tae dae! Is go get mare fucking bevvy and tan that, and then when ye say ye need to stoap drinking again, naw dae ye fuck, go get mare bevvy!
Stoap saying ye need tae stop drinking unless yer a fucking serious alky, coz dae ye fuck, yer making yersel sound like an alky which is bad. So dingy that.
Feel free tae say, "awwww man, I was soooo fucked last night." And stop! right there, keep yer mouth shut.
Over 'n' out!

Every Fucking Morning

I wake up and I'm still tired as fuck, I go to step into the shower and walk into the fucking glass slide screen thing and pure stump ma toe or something, nothing beats walking into a glass panel every morning to wake yersel up.
Also the look on some folks faces when a seat opens up on the train in the morning is priceless. Looks like their about tae fucking build up a brew in their skegs. Mission for this week, get a picture of these faces to show you, too bad ma cameras shite and am no the stealthiest cunt aboot when it comes to aw that MI6 pish.

Fashion Today

I really think fashion's went downhill these days. I mean has anyone seen that advert wae the mad gonorrhea belt and chlamydia knickers. Who's gonni wear that stuff. I mean I hink it's a good idea for cunts that actually have it, but I seriously don't see this clothing line making it big.

Stupid Questions

No hate it when ye ask something pure stupid, like someone lost their wallet and ye go, "aw where'd ye lose it?". And it?s like well if I knew that it wouldn't be fucking lost would it.
Ye get the same one on msn, awrite whit ye upto? What do ye fucking think am sitting on msn!
I'm just saying what we're all thinking!

Books

40 quid down the drain on this bad boy!












This is why I don't think people read anymore, books got greedy and started putting themselves up in price. Or maybe people just stopped reading and because of this books were almost extinct, so they've had to put themselves up in price to survive and make enough money to support their families.
Anyway I bet I don't even use this book enough to say it was worth £40, if I even use it at all. Bet the lecturer just wanted me to buy it 'cause he wrote it. Big Finlay's the man but. At least it has pictures for me to draw willies on.

Goal Achieved

I achieved one of my goals today by telling a murderer I needed a jobby, he wasn't happy and called me a mocker, thank god he was a born again christian or he probs would have plugged me.

My Summer Number One Hit Prediction.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN?!
She will normally be spotted outside glasgow central at the exit next to the toilets.
She's always singing songs to sell her copies of big issue.
















By summer '09 I'm betting she's a number one hit. And topping the charts this week is Big Issue Junkie with "What cha gonna do?"
*What cha gon do when you need big issue, what cha gon do when you need big issue, what cha gon do when ye need big issue in the morning!"
Puts a wee cheeser on my face in the morning it really does.
Dunno why she pretneds she's blind although she probs does need that guide stick for when she's smacked oot her tits and cannie see.

Jobbies!

Right, see if yer gonni take a shite or whatever in the middle of fucking Africa, I think I'd maybe do it away fae lions n shit. Imagine one of they bad boys tore her apart, what a way to go. Hanging aboot wae other deed folk, it'd be like, aye man a died of a heart attack, how'd you die? Aye a was taking a shite in a bush in Africa and got mawled by a lion when a jobby was hawf way oot ma arse.

Love is in the Air

I really think all they old chineese women in Glasgow want a piece of me, everytime I see them, they try to give me a rose but they're no ma type so I tell them to get tae, but if valentine's days a quiet one and I have nothing to do, I think it might just be their lucky day. I really want to go out this year coz it's a saturday, excuse to get smeeeeshed, any takers? ;) haha

p.s here's a little video to get you looking forward to this cheesey cheesey day that's fast approaching.

This tickled my funny bone.

A sign outside the library saying, "NO PETS but guide dogs are welcome". A sign aimed at the blind is something I've never seen before. A library is the last place I'd thought I'd see a blind person.

It's out of Karl Pilkington's karlology. I've said it once and I'll say it again, very good read!

I thought I was smart as fuck here!

Bet you all fucking look everytime I sign in. hahaha
note* The pink background is not mine, thank tasha the wee devil for that.

Mother Nature Is A Harsh Mistress

She sure picks her fucking times, been doing fuck all for two months and when it's finally time to go back and do some work the weather goes fucking mental, a need to stoat aboot this aw day the morra dain fuckin shitey surveying the morra. On the other hand, snowball fight? Looking forward to seeing Glasgow the morra.
Time TO Cause Some Carnage!

Sit The Fuck Down!!!

haha last night was like an episode of corrie or something, glass of water to the face haha.
Coodnt sleep in that hoose, just sat up watching some cunt dae his ironin'.
Left at 7 and just in at 10. walked to kilwinning from dalry but went the wrong way at first, walking to glasgow tannin' stella at 7 am.
then realised i was going the wrong way so had to walk all the way back and to kilwinki. Good times.